Medication

Choke on the needle
Drown in the blood
Thickening steeple
Pray to the mud

Blow out the wedding
Cough out the cake
Rocks on the knuckles
One more mistake

Cut through the venules
Tear off the tape
Piss out the sadness
Run from the rape

I figured you'd call me
Your head in a cast
I wanted to love you
You're stuck in the past

I saw you perverted
Your life was a lie
I wanted to help you
You wanted to die

- Josh

Another Morbid Tale of Failure

Your face is melting
I can literally see your skull
I used to really like you
But now you can go to hell
Your fingers are breaking
The bones are slipping out
I used to think you were pretty
But now I'm beginning to doubt

You think that princesses
Rule from thrones of gold
With diamond rings and bracelets
And an heart so icy cold
You haven't been in power
You've just lusted after fame
Possessed by evil demons
Both they and you the same

Your feet are pierced by nails
You hang upon a cross
Your hair drags through the mud
Your eyes gush tears of loss
Is this really what you wanted
To fall right from the top
To waste your skills on paupers
And live to get fucked up?

I used to really like you
Fuck.

– Josh

Transition

They say the ones who end with suicide,

They burn in hell for their selfish deed.

And I, knowing I’ll get no respect for it

Still contemplating to proceed.

At first the life held too much cost - 

I saw a future like an open door in front of me,

But now I feel completely lost,

I’m chained to life and death’s the only way to become free.

Bipolar efforts to push me off the cliff

An inch per day succeeding in your plans.

I’m holding stiff. Can’t let you down,

But can no longer swallow my own sins. 

Two demons are getting hold of me 

Their names are everywhere - shame and regret.

They throw me down on the sharp blades of my mistakes,

Each cut is as deep as could get. 

The knife is getting duller, the pills no longer make me sleep

And so I wander pointlessly on this Earth like an unknown creep.

How did it get so bad so fast? I wish I could remember.

But of your family I will no longer last a member.

Don’t bury me under the ground in which your holy bodies

Will keep the spirit warm and sound, unlike my melancholy.

The time has come now, fists are clenched, the clock has struck eleven.

God tell me if I end this hell, can I still get to heaven?

Shallow Love

She gave him the only thing she had,

He gave her his entire world,

They drowned in silence afterwards,

Got killed by unsaid words.

The pity is their love was shallow

Like  puddles left from April snow

It’s like a pill that she could never swallow,

From all the pain he didn’t grow to show.

And so they fell apart at once

So quickly those six months had passed

Of questioning and wondering

About their other half,

One time they met each other...

Kept walking but then took a pause,

Their eyes like some wild animals

That swiftly clenched their claws.

___

The pride anchored the sharp silence;

No power to regain the lost.

The show is over, curtain falls

And nobody applauds.

The Wind

I think it was raining
Or just wind in our face
It was a matter of chance
For us to meet in one place
I asked for a light
Knew you hated the smell
You carried it though
“You’ll die soon you know”
“I know too well” I said
With effortless grace
Wind still in my face
Hair covered my eyes
It even got in my teeth
“Wow the wind is a tease”
Anyhow
As I fix up my brow
And I take out my Bensons
Put the gun through my teeth
I’m a different person
I’m cool
Now I’d fire the bullet
With the fire you gave me
White old classic BIC
Most likely your brother’s
But the wind is a bother
I struggles against it
Flicker again and again
Like a fool
You don’t play by the rules
Curious now I’m awaiting assent 
Catch a breath as you said 
“It’s probably empty
Here let me try”
It’s like your lips on mine
The killer was now 
The messenger dove 
You didn’t succeed
“Here keep it”
I thought nothing of it 
In fact you just gave me
A useless instrument
Nonchalant
We departed
 I find the lighter somewhere in my drawers
In shelter the wind is no longer blowing
I give a quick shake to the half empty flask
Or half full? Is there even a point to ask?
I sparked it, watched the small glowing fire
Got suddenly hit by an urge, a desire
To burn every bit of myself, all and whole
My hair my lips, my eyes and my fingers
So that I can inhale again
As not a sense of you lingers

Growing Up...

**To be read along with song below**

The blood dripped down the cathedral spire
An image of childish lust, or imagination
Hurting the senses as they tried to stray
But the sanguinary image lingers on until today

The blood has made it's course down to my feet
Infected every paper cut. Malignant virus
erupt like Vesuvius in my veins, fuse to my thoughts
My innocence, ignorance, blooms out to nought

Grew older loving tenderness and love itself
Falling into it, shattering, crawling slowly to a stand
Wishing I was lying on a church steeple
Screaming and crying - a spectacle for the sad people

But never did I grow much more than that
Still making pictures of burning 'planes and 'scrapers
Told myself how I was therapy like laudanum
Soothing pains, relaxing restless minds for all of them

Escape, escape, I told myself, away from guilt
Run far away towards another land
But circumstances remained against the favour
My childish mind dissect by Brutus' Sabre

And when her wisdom last on me bestowed
Minerva, in her mysterious way would leave
me lying prostrate, vuln'rable before the god of time
Her lone oblation: knowledge I'd be ruined

- By Josh N

Passion

I have a passion for passion

The way your eyes can ignite

Like Christmas lights 

When I ask all the right questions

About your aspirations 

The way that passion can drive

You to the horizon

Of the land that 

Only you could imagine

At first

It's a thirst

It's a lust for life 

That you light up 

To keep yourself going 

It's enough 

To know that you got enough

To fuel your soul till you die

Makes me want to hold on even more

To the one who can walk alone 

I'd want to be the passion

But I only watch you 

Your Love

It was just like the evening sun

The ruby glimmer right above the sea

Reflecting in my eyes to blind

And ignite fire inside me 

It left me on the coast in tears 

I burned until my lungs were ashes 

The fire planted inside me 

Died bitterly as the time passes

I felt the ashes turn to stone 

The sun is set, the gleam is gone

The night, like water, lingers

The sense of your soft fingers

With dawn as my eyes shut their doors

I slumber dreamlessly at last

It's when the sun comes up and once again

I am reminded of our past