Medication

Choke on the needle
Drown in the blood
Thickening steeple
Pray to the mud

Blow out the wedding
Cough out the cake
Rocks on the knuckles
One more mistake

Cut through the venules
Tear off the tape
Piss out the sadness
Run from the rape

I figured you'd call me
Your head in a cast
I wanted to love you
You're stuck in the past

I saw you perverted
Your life was a lie
I wanted to help you
You wanted to die

- Josh

Another Morbid Tale of Failure

Your face is melting
I can literally see your skull
I used to really like you
But now you can go to hell
Your fingers are breaking
The bones are slipping out
I used to think you were pretty
But now I'm beginning to doubt

You think that princesses
Rule from thrones of gold
With diamond rings and bracelets
And an heart so icy cold
You haven't been in power
You've just lusted after fame
Possessed by evil demons
Both they and you the same

Your feet are pierced by nails
You hang upon a cross
Your hair drags through the mud
Your eyes gush tears of loss
Is this really what you wanted
To fall right from the top
To waste your skills on paupers
And live to get fucked up?

I used to really like you
Fuck.

– Josh

Transition

They say the ones who end with suicide,

They burn in hell for their selfish deed.

And I, knowing I’ll get no respect for it

Still contemplating to proceed.

At first the life held too much cost - 

I saw a future like an open door in front of me,

But now I feel completely lost,

I’m chained to life and death’s the only way to become free.

Bipolar efforts to push me off the cliff

An inch per day succeeding in your plans.

I’m holding stiff. Can’t let you down,

But can no longer swallow my own sins. 

Two demons are getting hold of me 

Their names are everywhere - shame and regret.

They throw me down on the sharp blades of my mistakes,

Each cut is as deep as could get. 

The knife is getting duller, the pills no longer make me sleep

And so I wander pointlessly on this Earth like an unknown creep.

How did it get so bad so fast? I wish I could remember.

But of your family I will no longer last a member.

Don’t bury me under the ground in which your holy bodies

Will keep the spirit warm and sound, unlike my melancholy.

The time has come now, fists are clenched, the clock has struck eleven.

God tell me if I end this hell, can I still get to heaven?

Shallow Love

She gave him the only thing she had,

He gave her his entire world,

They drowned in silence afterwards,

Got killed by unsaid words.

The pity is their love was shallow

Like  puddles left from April snow

It’s like a pill that she could never swallow,

From all the pain he didn’t grow to show.

And so they fell apart at once

So quickly those six months had passed

Of questioning and wondering

About their other half,

One time they met each other...

Kept walking but then took a pause,

Their eyes like some wild animals

That swiftly clenched their claws.

___

The pride anchored the sharp silence;

No power to regain the lost.

The show is over, curtain falls

And nobody applauds.

The Wind

I think it was raining
Or just wind in our face
It was a matter of chance
For us to meet in one place
I asked for a light
Knew you hated the smell
You carried it though
“You’ll die soon you know”
“I know too well” I said
With effortless grace
Wind still in my face
Hair covered my eyes
It even got in my teeth
“Wow the wind is a tease”
Anyhow
As I fix up my brow
And I take out my Bensons
Put the gun through my teeth
I’m a different person
I’m cool
Now I’d fire the bullet
With the fire you gave me
White old classic BIC
Most likely your brother’s
But the wind is a bother
I struggles against it
Flicker again and again
Like a fool
You don’t play by the rules
Curious now I’m awaiting assent 
Catch a breath as you said 
“It’s probably empty
Here let me try”
It’s like your lips on mine
The killer was now 
The messenger dove 
You didn’t succeed
“Here keep it”
I thought nothing of it 
In fact you just gave me
A useless instrument
Nonchalant
We departed
 I find the lighter somewhere in my drawers
In shelter the wind is no longer blowing
I give a quick shake to the half empty flask
Or half full? Is there even a point to ask?
I sparked it, watched the small glowing fire
Got suddenly hit by an urge, a desire
To burn every bit of myself, all and whole
My hair my lips, my eyes and my fingers
So that I can inhale again
As not a sense of you lingers

Growing Up...

**To be read along with song below**

The blood dripped down the cathedral spire
An image of childish lust, or imagination
Hurting the senses as they tried to stray
But the sanguinary image lingers on until today

The blood has made it's course down to my feet
Infected every paper cut. Malignant virus
erupt like Vesuvius in my veins, fuse to my thoughts
My innocence, ignorance, blooms out to nought

Grew older loving tenderness and love itself
Falling into it, shattering, crawling slowly to a stand
Wishing I was lying on a church steeple
Screaming and crying - a spectacle for the sad people

But never did I grow much more than that
Still making pictures of burning 'planes and 'scrapers
Told myself how I was therapy like laudanum
Soothing pains, relaxing restless minds for all of them

Escape, escape, I told myself, away from guilt
Run far away towards another land
But circumstances remained against the favour
My childish mind dissect by Brutus' Sabre

And when her wisdom last on me bestowed
Minerva, in her mysterious way would leave
me lying prostrate, vuln'rable before the god of time
Her lone oblation: knowledge I'd be ruined

- By Josh N

Passion

I have a passion for passion

The way your eyes can ignite

Like Christmas lights 

When I ask all the right questions

About your aspirations 

The way that passion can drive

You to the horizon

Of the land that 

Only you could imagine

At first

It's a thirst

It's a lust for life 

That you light up 

To keep yourself going 

It's enough 

To know that you got enough

To fuel your soul till you die

Makes me want to hold on even more

To the one who can walk alone 

I'd want to be the passion

But I only watch you 

Your Love

It was just like the evening sun

The ruby glimmer right above the sea

Reflecting in my eyes to blind

And ignite fire inside me 

It left me on the coast in tears 

I burned until my lungs were ashes 

The fire planted inside me 

Died bitterly as the time passes

I felt the ashes turn to stone 

The sun is set, the gleam is gone

The night, like water, lingers

The sense of your soft fingers

With dawn as my eyes shut their doors

I slumber dreamlessly at last

It's when the sun comes up and once again

I am reminded of our past 

After

I'd never thought that love can find its way
Within the line between my sober and drunk state
The realness of you came like a storm

You asked me why I always look so sad

After so many times of being thrown to shame
From your lips I will soberly restrain
I hope I made you feel embarrassed

Give me your taste of realness again

Otherwise Engaged

Ridiculous
You tell me
I wouldn't kiss you anyway
even if I weren't
otherwise engaged

Believe me,
I understand
I wasn't a small boy yesterday
running about, love-sick,
wanting you and maybe her

That's stupid
You go on
It's possible you're quite amused
Maybe it's all in my head
Maybe you would kiss me

Don't be afraid
You whisper
I want to hold your hand
just as you want, so much,
my tender lips

I wish deeply
That it's not a joke
Your words and motions comfort
but emotions are a game
You play me like a child.

This Is Life

It Doesn't Matter If You Don’t (Life)

Our Broken Rhythm

I made a compromise when I first said “hello” to you

It took a while for me to process what that was

You made a compromise when you found my name, too

It took us ages to realise we were broken

I made a compromise by allowing you to be my friend

It was a hard thing for me - letting you in

You made a compromise giving me your heart to lend

It was a struggle for us every moment

We didn't listen to each other for a while

It was a stupid thing for me to do

We had a hard time coming back together

I guess there wasn't any rhythm

But I'm trying my best to show you I care

If you'll open up I’ll show you that it’s worth it

You are beautiful now so please don't disappear

My hands are always longing for your touch

I Wish, I Wish, I Wish...

I didn’t want you to dazzle me, honestly!

I mean, it’s not like I was out looking for heartbreak

I didn’t want you to smile too big or tell me you cared

It’s perfectly reasonable for me to want detachment

There’s not much to say about my artistic mind

or about how I get feelings so easily

It’s a pity, for sure, I’ll admit that

And it’s not like you helped at all by loving me when I wanted to die

So when I look at your bright eyes;

your white teeth;

your perfect skin;

your long hair:

dark, flowing, silky;

you, gorgeous in every way

I don’t want to be asking myself things like

“What did I do wrong?”

“How did I mess up?”

“Where did you go?”

In fact I’d rather I’d never felt nothing or anything however you put it

I’d rather I’d never met you or at least rather was blind

and on top of that I wish I was stupid

So I could never realise your brilliant worth

And could never love as a route to more hurt

Me and my Thighs

The biggest feud I've had of all

Is me myself and my thick thighs 

The friends you've known your whole life

The reasons for your silent cries

The lengths you'd go to make them right

The diets, so they'd satisfy 

The dress you waited winter time

To wear once.

And then the pay checks that you blew

To buy five bottles of the goo

To rid yourself of cellulite 

...it didn't work, and then you cried.

No thigh gap to fill up with love

Self love

No curves to hug the lovers hand 

No lover either.

And yet when time comes and you have to run 

Nobody's on your side but your thigh sisters. 

In beauty's eyes you had to compromise 

Embracing them has brought no prize 

But runner, that you are and woman too 

So find the love to give back to your thighs. 

#selfie

I am an architect,

Degrees at which the lens stands don't subject.

I am the sculpture,

They feed their intuition, vultures.

My eyes, my nose, my hair, bones,

Without completion, soldiers stand alone. 

Shield yourself with a cheesy lyric quote

As they bombard you with the heavy load

Of praise like God

To which you bow and thank The Lord

For granting you the knowledge that at 5 o'clock 

Instagram is crowded with the feeding stock. 

So feed them as they feed you.

And nurture in yourself a sense of pride and shame.

You're a sheep with most fur yet a sheep. 

We are the tragic heroes of this social game.

I See You

I think I could see you falling

Mouth opened in silent scream

I think I could see you dropping

Heart beats faster with the dream

I think I could see you loving

Smiling tragically ‘fore she cleaves

I think I could see you giving

Dream gets better as she leaves

I think I could see you screaming

Pain erupts from every vein

I think I could see you weeping

Smile grows larger, synapse drain

I think I could see you running

Aching limbs to be sawn off

I think I could see you crawling

Touching, laughing ‘til a cough

I think I could see you losing

Empty as you drop the bet

I think I could see you dying

Eyes awaken, bed is wet

She's Trapped

She's trapped
In a loveless state, not even trying to get away
She's trapped
In a house with no love, or at least none that she knows of

She's sad
Says her prayers every night but always looks back
She's sad
Asked for help but kept on being so bad

She's trapped
She smiles at faces that don't matter
We're trapped
We're locked up away from each other

***

What's love?
When you'd rather be on a beach in the isles?
Teasing stars and drinking wine?
Holding hands and feeling fine?

What's love?
When you'd rather be smoking dope, sniffing coke?
Running away as you try your best to cope?

***

She's trapped
Reaching for fingers miles away
Smiling at people, pretending it's ok

She wants to slit her wrists and numb her eyes
rip her ears and bleed out dry
and she wants to stop fucking crying herself to sleep every night

- By Josh N

Who's To Blame?

She's hitting me with pillows
But why am I bleeding?
She opened up the windows
So why am I choking?

Fuck
I guess
it must be me

 - By Josh N




...Just because you're in love doesn't mean the relationship is healthy...

Comedy Of Errors

Here's our comedy of errors
She took a knife and split my fingers

Hapless fools we wet the sheets
make our love and rub our feet

Looking down upon the Earth
poised to jump but not with her

Kiss her body and her eyes
She tastes like honey mixed with lies

Heaven is a place down here
If I kill her she'll disappear

- By Josh N

[Love Sick by Lissie Kun]

Your Heart is Frozen

Maybe you're a lover, and maybe you're a poison.
One thing that's true is girl, your heart is frozen;
And we all know how everything you touch turns broken.

 - By Josh N

Poem about high school group projects

Start furies in the ocean that you are

Make fireworks go off inside your heart

And keep your cool to show respect once more

But shove your merciless complaints right up your arse.

For ones who've hurt for years of neglect 

The numbness turned into small-hearted hate

And now amidst the chances of revenge 

Your complaints I will calmly tolerate

Poem of the time #2: Small Fire

He didn't ask for more coffee

I didn't offer more either


Too small of a fire to keep warm

Between the daughter and her father

You and I

You and I
Falling through an angel's eye
Deeper, deeper, through the sky
The light reflects our true desires
Streams of passion till we die

You and I, perverse in fear
Close our eyes and say we're near
Further, always, to escape
Pulling hard, away from hate

You and I, the drowning two
Neither of us know what to do
A moan, a cry, from miles away
The stars declare our love, they say

You and I
Broken in our faithful death
Faster, faster, slips our grip
Looking back, I hear your breath
You tell me love's an ancient step

Away, away...
















Goodbye

Our Love Is A Dream

She took my hand

Have you ever seen a grown man smile

like that?

It started to slip

It fell into space and I asked if she could

keep looking at

the sunset

Whilst I layed out our picnic

The warm summer night

reminded me of bright stars and glowing clouds

from where I came

But everyone kept telling me 

that thoughts weren't safe

and words weren't sane

When I got back

I saw her sitting, head down, hugging tight

her own self. Tears running down her face

from her glowing eyes - 

they made me think of home, as well

I asked her, "What is it, love?"

She fell back through space

onto soft grass

Warm bread - its smell - wafted over

as she stared up, sadly smiling

She took my hand once more

I gulped, it's not my turn to cry

"I miss the world I wished for,"

she said.

"I lived there in my head."

I kissed her face

Lying down, grass scratching my neck,

love pouring down from scarlet clouds

She speaks again

about how beauty stopped

as soon as beauty was a thing that she desired

She means 

that she forgot to dream

Anyway, stealing chances

A tear falls out my own eye

I grip her hand

too tight, 

she, too, grips back

I love her

more than worlds beyond or books or songs

I tell her wishes still belong

And that our future's here

Hold on

- By Josh N

Poem of the time #1: Sacrifice

How much conviction does it take
To not doubt
Every step we take?

How much humanity, love trust
Have your ambitions
Turned to dust?

How much of sacrifice
Before your realize

That every minute spent
For merciless self pleasure

Were the dew of last night's fury
A miraculous treasure?

YOU LIVE UNDER A STAIRCASE

And governed by all types of perversion - a world ungrasped and incalculable.

Sexual gratification of murder

for ration;

a childish giggle for foreplay

and death of a nation

Tender fingers

rasped iron bars

The prisoner bled rust from his head

into jars

And he sold them to inmates

too afraid to accept

that it wasn't a juice from a café

He said:

The devil he lives in a stairwell

below you

Your steps will alert him

Your breaths

will arouse

his affections

You left him, you said,

but you held on to death

And The Earth is a finger:

directed a sun

to revolve around pride if you loved

then he won

Have you seen evil’s vile

A split tongue

and a smile

Who created your fear

but a complex denial

of self for a while?

Oh dear

You set fire to hearth

while the wood prospered on

Because go from your birth

a malignant confront

told you life is a treasure

but just what is won

in a dank bloody cellar

where your dad

kept his guns

So drained out

of fulfilment

they winked and they said

if you opened your mind

you’d find summer

is red

from the blood

of a devil

and his wife that you tortured right under his bed

Mother, dear

You tried only your best

to declare a resemblance

to a God

and you dressed up in dresses choked dry by the presses

pretending to care when we all know you left us

to deal with negligence

far out a prayer

for some hopeless repentance

yes better beware. So

pass bowls full of water and cups with entrails

to your Satan still under the staircase

 - By Josh N

Entropic - A Poem

Will it be better on the other side of tomorrow?

A haunted castle swings

Pushed by the mother's foot

Detached

A miracle

That it's still latched

To nature's Queen

A rickety wooden horse

On a spaceship

A new course

Set sail for greener pastures

Water the weeds

They're the right colours

Considering throwing you out

There's not air there

But there are smiles

And warm hearts

Too

You could hold your breath

While you made love

A litter box

Tossed out on the street

In an ancient city

Deserted last week

A play on words you'll never guess

Her litter's buried in her father's mess

Consider the fly, ye sluggard

If you can't eat the horse eat the buzzard

In conclusion we continue to hunger

We go on, considering it's stunning

Picture on the wall

Of a planet beyond our shack

Or a finite point for the universe' joint considering we're smaller than that --

It floats down from the pin

Where it was hooked for a while

Hits the floor, drowns there some more

Our memories lost and gone

- By Josh N