They say the ones who end with suicide,
They burn in hell for their selfish deed.
And I, knowing I’ll get no respect for it
Still contemplating to proceed.
At first the life held too much cost -
I saw a future like an open door in front of me,
But now I feel completely lost,
I’m chained to life and death’s the only way to become free.
Bipolar efforts to push me off the cliff
An inch per day succeeding in your plans.
I’m holding stiff. Can’t let you down,
But can no longer swallow my own sins.
Two demons are getting hold of me
Their names are everywhere - shame and regret.
They throw me down on the sharp blades of my mistakes,
Each cut is as deep as could get.
The knife is getting duller, the pills no longer make me sleep
And so I wander pointlessly on this Earth like an unknown creep.
How did it get so bad so fast? I wish I could remember.
But of your family I will no longer last a member.
Don’t bury me under the ground in which your holy bodies
Will keep the spirit warm and sound, unlike my melancholy.
The time has come now, fists are clenched, the clock has struck eleven.
God tell me if I end this hell, can I still get to heaven?