Sunday, July 27, 2014


Choke on the needle
Drown in the blood
Thickening steeple
Pray to the mud

Blow out the wedding
Cough out the cake
Rocks on the knuckles
One more mistake

Cut through the venules
Tear off the tape
Piss out the sadness
Run from the rape

I figured you'd call me
Your head in a cast
I wanted to love you
You're stuck in the past

I saw you perverted
Your life was a lie
I wanted to help you
You wanted to die

- Josh

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Another Morbid Tale of Failure

Your face is melting
I can literally see your skull
I used to really like you
But now you can go to hell
Your fingers are breaking
The bones are slipping out
I used to think you were pretty
But now I'm beginning to doubt

You think that princesses
Rule from thrones of gold
With diamond rings and bracelets
And an heart so icy cold
You haven't been in power
You've just lusted after fame
Possessed by evil demons
Both they and you the same

Your feet are pierced by nails
You hang upon a cross
Your hair drags through the mud
Your eyes gush tears of loss
Is this really what you wanted
To fall right from the top
To waste your skills on paupers
And live to get fucked up?

I used to really like you

– Josh


They say the ones who end with suicide,

They burn in hell for their selfish deed.

And I, knowing I’ll get no respect for it

Still contemplating to proceed.

At first the life held too much cost - 

I saw a future like an open door in front of me,

But now I feel completely lost,

I’m chained to life and death’s the only way to become free.

Bipolar efforts to push me off the cliff

An inch per day succeeding in your plans.

I’m holding stiff. Can’t let you down,

But can no longer swallow my own sins. 

Two demons are getting hold of me 

Their names are everywhere - shame and regret.

They throw me down on the sharp blades of my mistakes,

Each cut is as deep as could get. 

The knife is getting duller, the pills no longer make me sleep

And so I wander pointlessly on this Earth like an unknown creep.

How did it get so bad so fast? I wish I could remember.

But of your family I will no longer last a member.

Don’t bury me under the ground in which your holy bodies

Will keep the spirit warm and sound, unlike my melancholy.

The time has come now, fists are clenched, the clock has struck eleven.

God tell me if I end this hell, can I still get to heaven?

Shallow Love

She gave him the only thing she had,

He gave her his entire world,

They drowned in silence afterwards,

Got killed by unsaid words.

The pity is their love was shallow

Like  puddles left from April snow

It’s like a pill that she could never swallow,

From all the pain he didn’t grow to show.

And so they fell apart at once

So quickly those six months had passed

Of questioning and wondering

About their other half,

One time they met each other...

Kept walking but then took a pause,

Their eyes like some wild animals

That swiftly clenched their claws.


The pride anchored the sharp silence;

No power to regain the lost.

The show is over, curtain falls

And nobody applauds.

Friday, June 20, 2014

The Wind

I think it was raining
Or just wind in our face
It was a matter of chance
For us to meet in one place
I asked for a light
Knew you hated the smell
You carried it though
“You’ll die soon you know
“I know too well” I said
With effortless grace
Wind still in my face
Hair covered my eyes
It even got in my teeth
“Wow the wind is a tease”
As I fix up my brow
And I take out my Bensons
Put the gun through my teeth
I’m a different person
I’m cool
Now I’d fire the bullet
With the fire you gave me
White old classic BIC
Most likely your brother’s
But the wind is a bother
I struggles against it
Flicker again and again
Like a fool
You don’t play by the rules
Curious now I’m awaiting assent 
Catch a breath as you said 
“It’s probably empty
Here let me try”
It’s like your lips on mine
The killer was now 
The messenger dove 
You didn’t succeed
“Here keep it”
I thought nothing of it 
In fact you just gave me
A useless instrument
We departed
 I find the lighter somewhere in my drawers
In shelter the wind is no longer blowing
I give a quick shake to the half empty flask
Or half full? Is there even a point to ask?
I sparked it, watched the small glowing fire
Got suddenly hit by an urge, a desire
To burn every bit of myself, all and whole
My hair my lips, my eyes and my fingers
So that I can inhale again
As not a sense of you lingers

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Growing Up...

**To be read along with song below**

The blood dripped down the cathedral spire
An image of childish lust, or imagination
Hurting the senses as they tried to stray
But the sanguinary image lingers on until today

The blood has made it's course down to my feet
Infected every paper cut. Malignant virus
erupt like Vesuvius in my veins, fuse to my thoughts
My innocence, ignorance, blooms out to nought

Grew older loving tenderness and love itself
Falling into it, shattering, crawling slowly to a stand
Wishing I was lying on a church steeple
Screaming and crying - a spectacle for the sad people

But never did I grow much more than that
Still making pictures of burning 'planes and 'scrapers
Told myself how I was therapy like laudanum
Soothing pains, relaxing restless minds for all of them

Escape, escape, I told myself, away from guilt
Run far away towards another land
But circumstances remained against the favour
My childish mind dissect by Brutus' Sabre

And when her wisdom last on me bestowed
Minerva, in her mysterious way would leave
me lying prostrate, vuln'rable before the god of time
Her lone oblation: knowledge I'd be ruined

- By Josh N

Monday, June 16, 2014


I have a passion for passion
The way your eyes can ignite
Like Christmas lights 
When I ask all the right questions
About your aspirations 

The way that passion can drive
You to the horizon
Of the land that 
Only you could imagine
At first

It's a thirst

It's a lust for life 
That you light up 
To keep yourself going 

It's enough 

To know that you got enough
To fuel your soul till you die
Makes me want to hold on even more
To the one who can walk alone 
I'd want to be the passion
But I only watch you 

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Your Love

It was just like the evening sun
The ruby glimmer right above the sea
Reflecting in my eyes to blind
And ignite fire inside me 

It left me on the coast in tears 
I burned until my lungs were ashes 
The fire planted inside me 
Died bitterly as the time passes

I felt the ashes turn to stone 
The sun is set, the gleam is gone
The night, like water, lingers
The sense of your soft fingers

With dawn as my eyes shut their doors
I slumber dreamlessly at last
It's when the sun comes up and once again
I am reminded of our past 

Thursday, May 29, 2014


I'd never thought that love can find its way
Within the line between my sober and drunk state
The realness of you came like a storm

You asked me why I always look so sad

After so many times of being thrown to shame
From your lips I will soberly restrain
I hope I made you feel embarrassed

Give me your taste of realness again

Otherwise Engaged

You tell me
I wouldn't kiss you anyway
even if I weren't
otherwise engaged

Believe me,
I understand
I wasn't a small boy yesterday
running about, love-sick,
wanting you and maybe her

That's stupid
You go on
It's possible you're quite amused
Maybe it's all in my head
Maybe you would kiss me

Don't be afraid
You whisper
I want to hold your hand
just as you want, so much,
my tender lips

I wish deeply
That it's not a joke
Your words and motions comfort
but emotions are a game
You play me like a child.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

This Is Life

It Doesn't Matter If You Don’t (Life)
Our Broken Rhythm

I made a compromise when I first said “hello” to you
It took a while for me to process what that was
You made a compromise when you found my name, too
It took us ages to realise we were broken

I made a compromise by allowing you to be my friend
It was a hard thing for me - letting you in
You made a compromise giving me your heart to lend
It was a struggle for us every moment

We didn't listen to each other for a while
It was a stupid thing for me to do
We had a hard time coming back together
I guess there wasn't any rhythm

But I'm trying my best to show you I care
If you'll open up I’ll show you that it’s worth it
You are beautiful now so please don't disappear

My hands are always longing for your touch

I Wish, I Wish, I Wish...

I didn’t want you to dazzle me, honestly!
I mean, it’s not like I was out looking for heartbreak
I didn’t want you to smile too big or tell me you cared
It’s perfectly reasonable for me to want detachment

There’s not much to say about my artistic mind
or about how I get feelings so easily
It’s a pity, for sure, I’ll admit that
And it’s not like you helped at all by loving me when I wanted to die

So when I look at your bright eyes;
your white teeth;
your perfect skin;
your long hair:
dark, flowing, silky;
you, gorgeous in every way
I don’t want to be asking myself things like
“What did I do wrong?”
“How did I mess up?”

“Where did you go?”
In fact I’d rather I’d never felt nothing or anything however you put it
I’d rather I’d never met you or at least rather was blind
and on top of that I wish I was stupid
So I could never realise your brilliant worth
And could never love as a route to more hurt

Me and my Thighs

The biggest feud I've had of all
Is me myself and my thick thighs 
The friends you've known your whole life
The reasons for your silent cries
The lengths you'd go to make them right
The diets, so they'd satisfy 
The dress you waited winter time
To wear once.
And then the pay checks that you blew
To buy five bottles of the goo
To rid yourself of cellulite didn't work, and then you cried.

No thigh gap to fill up with love
Self love
No curves to hug the lovers hand 
No lover either.
And yet when time comes and you have to run 
Nobody's on your side but your thigh sisters. 

In beauty's eyes you had to compromise 
Embracing them has brought no prize 
But runner, that you are and woman too 
So find the love to give back to your thighs. 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014


I am an architect,
Degrees at which the lens stands don't subject.
I am the sculpture,
They feed their intuition, vultures.
My eyes, my nose, my hair, bones,
Without completion, soldiers stand alone. 
Shield yourself with a cheesy lyric quote
As they bombard you with the heavy load
Of praise like God
To which you bow and thank The Lord
For granting you the knowledge that at 5 o'clock 
Instagram is crowded with the feeding stock. 
So feed them as they feed you.
And nurture in yourself a sense of pride and shame.
You're a sheep with most fur yet a sheep. 
We are the tragic heroes of this social game.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

I See You

I think I could see you falling
Mouth opened in silent scream
I think I could see you dropping
Heart beats faster with the dream

I think I could see you loving
Smiling tragically ‘fore she cleaves
I think I could see you giving
Dream gets better as she leaves

I think I could see you screaming
Pain erupts from every vein
I think I could see you weeping
Smile grows larger, synapse drain

I think I could see you running
Aching limbs to be sawn off
I think I could see you crawling
Touching, laughing ‘til a cough

I think I could see you losing
Empty as you drop the bet
I think I could see you dying
Eyes awaken, bed is wet

Saturday, April 26, 2014

She's Trapped

She's trapped
In a loveless state, not even trying to get away
She's trapped
In a house with no love, or at least none that she knows of

She's sad
Says her prayers every night but always looks back
She's sad
Asked for help but kept on being so bad

She's trapped
She smiles at faces that don't matter
We're trapped
We're locked up away from each other


What's love?
When you'd rather be on a beach in the isles?
Teasing stars and drinking wine?
Holding hands and feeling fine?

What's love?
When you'd rather be smoking dope, sniffing coke?
Running away as you try your best to cope?


She's trapped
Reaching for fingers miles away
Smiling at people, pretending it's ok

She wants to slit her wrists and numb her eyes
rip her ears and bleed out dry
and she wants to stop fucking crying herself to sleep every night

- By Josh N

Friday, April 25, 2014

Who's To Blame?

She's hitting me with pillows
But why am I bleeding?
She opened up the windows
So why am I choking?

I guess
it must be me

 - By Josh N

...Just because you're in love doesn't mean the relationship is healthy...

Comedy Of Errors

Here's our comedy of errors
She took a knife and split my fingers

Hapless fools we wet the sheets
make our love and rub our feet

Looking down upon the Earth
poised to jump but not with her

Kiss her body and her eyes
She tastes like honey mixed with lies

Heaven is a place down here
If I kill her she'll disappear

- By Josh N

[Love Sick by Lissie Kun]

Your Heart is Frozen

Maybe you're a lover, and maybe you're a poison.
One thing that's true is girl, your heart is frozen;
And we all know how everything you touch turns broken.

 - By Josh N

Poem about high school group projects

Start furies in the ocean that you are
Make fireworks go off inside your heart
And keep your cool to show respect once more
But shove your merciless complaints right up your arse.

For ones who've hurt for years of neglect 
The numbness turned into small-hearted hate
And now amidst the chances of revenge 
Your complaints I will calmly tolerate

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Poem of the time #2: Small Fire

He didn't ask for more coffee

I didn't offer more either

Too small of a fire to keep warm

Between the daughter and her father

You and I

You and I
Falling through an angel's eye
Deeper, deeper, through the sky
The light reflects our true desires
Streams of passion till we die

You and I, perverse in fear
Close our eyes and say we're near
Further, always, to escape
Pulling hard, away from hate

You and I, the drowning two
Neither of us know what to do
A moan, a cry, from miles away
The stars declare our love, they say

You and I
Broken in our faithful death
Faster, faster, slips our grip
Looking back, I hear your breath
You tell me love's an ancient step

Away, away...


Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Our Love Is A Dream

She took my hand
Have you ever seen a grown man smile
like that?
It started to slip
It fell into space and I asked if she could
keep looking at
the sunset
Whilst I layed out our picnic

The warm summer night
reminded me of bright stars and glowing clouds
from where I came
But everyone kept telling me 
that thoughts weren't safe
and words weren't sane

When I got back
I saw her sitting, head down, hugging tight
her own self. Tears running down her face
from her glowing eyes - 
they made me think of home, as well
I asked her, "What is it, love?"
She fell back through space
onto soft grass

Warm bread - its smell - wafted over
as she stared up, sadly smiling
She took my hand once more
I gulped, it's not my turn to cry
"I miss the world I wished for,"
she said.
"I lived there in my head."
I kissed her face

Lying down, grass scratching my neck,
love pouring down from scarlet clouds
She speaks again
about how beauty stopped
as soon as beauty was a thing that she desired
She means 
that she forgot to dream

Anyway, stealing chances
A tear falls out my own eye
I grip her hand
too tight, 
she, too, grips back
I love her
more than worlds beyond or books or songs
I tell her wishes still belong
And that our future's here
Hold on

- By Josh N

Poem of the time #1: Sacrifice

How much conviction does it take
To not doubt
Every step we take?

How much humanity, love trust
Have your ambitions
Turned to dust?

How much of sacrifice
Before your realize

That every minute spent
For merciless self pleasure

Were the dew of last night's fury
A miraculous treasure?


And governed by all types of perversion - a world ungrasped and incalculable.

Sexual gratification of murder
for ration;
a childish giggle for foreplay
and death of a nation

Tender fingers
rasped iron bars
The prisoner bled rust from his head
into jars
And he sold them to inmates
too afraid to accept
that it wasn't a juice from a café
He said:

The devil he lives in a stairwell
below you
Your steps will alert him
Your breaths
will arouse
his affections
You left him, you said,
but you held on to death

And The Earth is a finger:
directed a sun
to revolve around pride if you loved
then he won

Have you seen evil’s vile
A split tongue
and a smile
Who created your fear
but a complex denial
of self for a while?
Oh dear

You set fire to hearth
while the wood prospered on
Because go from your birth
a malignant confront
told you life is a treasure
but just what is won
in a dank bloody cellar
where your dad
kept his guns

So drained out
of fulfilment
they winked and they said
if you opened your mind
you’d find summer
is red
from the blood
of a devil
and his wife that you tortured right under his bed

Mother, dear
You tried only your best
to declare a resemblance
to a God

and you dressed up in dresses choked dry by the presses
pretending to care when we all know you left us

to deal with negligence
far out a prayer
for some hopeless repentance
yes better beware. So
pass bowls full of water and cups with entrails

to your Satan still under the staircase

 - By Josh N

Entropic - A Poem

Will it be better on the other side of tomorrow?

A haunted castle swings
Pushed by the mother's foot
A miracle
That it's still latched
To nature's Queen

A rickety wooden horse
On a spaceship
A new course
Set sail for greener pastures
Water the weeds
They're the right colours

Considering throwing you out
There's not air there
But there are smiles
And warm hearts
You could hold your breath
While you made love

A litter box
Tossed out on the street
In an ancient city
Deserted last week
A play on words you'll never guess
Her litter's buried in her father's mess

Consider the fly, ye sluggard
If you can't eat the horse eat the buzzard
In conclusion we continue to hunger
We go on, considering it's stunning

Picture on the wall
Of a planet beyond our shack
Or a finite point for the universe' joint considering we're smaller than that --

It floats down from the pin
Where it was hooked for a while
Hits the floor, drowns there some more

Our memories lost and gone

- By Josh N